I woke up today thinking about Job from the Old Testament of the Bible. It was actually yesterday when he first crossed my mind. I’ve never felt more like I can relate to his sufferings than what I’m going through right now. It seems like I am being attacked and can’t do a thing about it.
Late last year I was diagnosed with cancer and was doing pretty good! They removed the tumor in early January and I healed up well. I thought “I can do this”. But then I started chemotherapy last week and it’s been a whole different story. I knew chemo was going to be difficult. I was prepared for the nausea, lack of appetite and even losing my hair. What I wasn’t prepared for was my body attacking itself!
This Past Year
This past year has been trying in our family to say the least! I tell all about it in my post “Having Joy While You’re Going Through Hell.” I’ve been able to keep a positive attitude and not let myself get down or discouraged. And if you remember Job’s story he was the same way when everything he had was taken from him but then came the second test where the devil attacked his body. Well, that’s where I am right now.
As I said before, I was prepared for most of what was going to happen with my chemo. What I didn’t know is how bad it was going to get. I’ve been pretty healthy all my adult life. I’ve made sure to eat healthy, take my vitamins and exercise regularly most of the time. So when I got the diagnosis of cancer, I was shocked to say the least. But even still, I thought “I’ve got this. I know God’s in control and I’m not going to worry or complain.”
When they put my port in for my chemotherapy, things got a little worse. It was actually harder on me than the surgery to take my tumor out. It was like having a golf ball cut in half and put inside your chest just under your skin with a tube running from it to a vein in your neck. Uncomfortable to say the least!
And There’s More
I went for my first chemo treatment a week ago today. The day after wasn’t bad until I received my first dose of Neulasta which will help my body produce more white blood cells which the chemo depletes. After the treatment I almost immediately got nauseated, dizzy and just felt really bad. I wasn’t able to eat much of anything and the pain in my bones was so bad I couldn’t get comfortable in any position. On Sunday, I noticed some sores that came up on my back and I thought “What the heck?” so I went to see my doctor……shingles. I thought “ARE YOU KIDDING ME????” I mean…really??? And to go along with that my allergies had gone stupid crazy and my lips were getting really dry and cracked. My doctor basically told me that my body is trying to fight for survival and anything that’s in me is going to come out! My first thought was”Great! It’s only going to get better!” (Sarcasm intended…..)
Well, that’s when it hit me that I felt like Job. He had one test that he went through that was bad enough but then when his body was attacked it really got bad. His wife even said to him in Job 2:9 “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die.” And that’s coming from his wife!
Job’s response is what I am wanting to focus on here though. When his wife said this to him, he responded with “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”
It’s All About Your Attitude
This is the attitude I want to have as I go through this. So many people today think that being a Christian means that you will never have anything bad happen to you and that you’ll be prosperous all the time. God does bless those who follow Him but it doesn’t mean bad things are never going to happen to us. Sometimes He allows us to go through difficult times to teach us, test us or give us a testimony to use to glorify Him.
It’s All In Our Focus.
It would be SO easy for me to grumble and complain right now and ask “Why me?” But, instead I say why NOT me. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’ve cried and had my moments where I just want it all to stop! But then I always go back to God and pray for His strength to get me through this and you know what….it works. He will fill my mind with thoughts of Him and His goodness in the past. He brings to mind scripture that encourages me and gives me hope for the future.
Rest Of The Story
I know this is just the beginning of my journey with chemo. I’ve got about 5 more months to go and then radiation after that. I’m sure there are going to be many more trying times that may even be worse than what I’m going through right now. That’s not negative thinking, it’s being realistic. But one thing I know….My God is right there with me holding my right hand and telling me as he says in the Bible in Isaiah 41:10:
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
I refuse to let this defeat me! It is my CHOICE how I look at this and how I let it affect me. Just as Job chose to not curse God and it was said in the last part of Job 2:10 “So in all this, Job said nothing wrong.” That’s what I want to do.
I know that’s not the world’s way of thinking but I know that God knows what is best and I trust Him.
What’s Your Attitude?
You have that same opportunity when you go through life’s difficulties. Are you going to “curse God and die” or are you going to praise Him and accept that sometimes we just have to go through the hard times holding on to His hand and trusting Him.
I encourage you to hold on tight to Him. I promise you that even though times may get tough, you can still have that peace that only comes through a deep relationship with Him.
Let me know in the comments below of your struggles and you can email me as well. I hope you will sign up to receive updates whenever anything is posted and know, I’ll be praying for all of you.